Once
by AHiddenRose
Summary: All I have ever wanted is to be free. Free from all of the pain of the world, from the expectation, from the failure...from life. An original story set in Twilight's world.
1. Meet Me

I went throught those halls day after day, I walked by them on my way to every class, I came to school every single day and still, I was one of the crowd. One of a small crowd. They didn't know anything about me. They didn't know that I loved music so much that it never stopped playing in my head, or that I loved nature. Just to run through a forest as fast as I could. They didn't know that I loved to laugh and cry because they brought with them such strong emotions I felt like I was going to explode with the feeling of it all. Most of all, and maybe the reason they didn't know anything else; I was dying and that was something I had allowed no one priviledge to know.

I had fallen in love with this town as a young girl, many would think it dull and lifeless for a small child but I found mystery in the forest. I felt that the woods were full of magic and that just being in them would bring me joy. Sure, my intrests had changed since I was 4, the closest good library was an hour away and the closest good live music was in Seattle but I felt peace here. Something I had found impossible in any hospital, no matter how 'homley' it was.

I'd gone to this high school for 2 years and still nobody noticed me. Sure, while I was a new face, I wasn't an interesting face. Sure, teachers had tried and failed to integrate me. I made my peace with being alone. I could live with the forest and the water to as my company. At least, I told myself this but still...I watched them from a distance. I sat by myself in the small cafeteria with my back against the wall sitting by my untouched lunch, sketch book in hand. If anyone were to look over to me, they would see me in my own world, drawing the doodles that flowed freely from my mind. In reality, I watched them. Small schools are interesting, almost like a soap opera. A teenage soap opera. I could tell most of what was going on in school just by listening to the lunch crowd. For instance, the popular crowd was having couple issues thanks to the new girl. Jessica was still enthralled with Mike, and Mike was still enthralled with Bella. The whole school seemed enthralled with her. She was pretty in the classic pale way. I could see why all of the boys in school where happy that she was here. After hanging out with the same people since you were babies; almost anything new was welcome. One exception; me.

Who knew why I had remained unoticed. I have always been shy, but then again so were the Cullen's and they were always on everyone's mind. You could tell when someone was talking about them; they voices would quiet to a whisper and they would unconciously look towards one of the Cullen's. Maybe they got more attention because they were all immacuatly beautiful. The blonde, Rosalie most of all. Many people thought that the Cullen's were outcasts and that they were just to perfect to be in a small town like Forks. But I knew that they kept themselves apart for the same reason I did; because we had something to hide. Something that we proteced with enough venom that no one could find out, no one was allowed close enough to figure it out.

I didn't know their secret. I had no desire to go digging. It was no place of mine to look into their personal lives. As far as I knew, they didn't know my secret. Only their father knew, and I hoped that he took his oath honestly. If they did know, they didn't show it. I never got the pitying looks that came so ofter from those whom I told.

Then I noticed one of the more popular girls, Jessica whispering to Bella and her stare remained as far away from the Cullen's as possible, but Bella looked. The tell tale signs that Jessica was making sure to fill Bella in on all of the Cullens and their unusual habits. I didn't want to believe that there had been any hope, even a small hope that maybe she would notice me and I would finally be found. But she was just like the rest of the children in this small high school.

The bell rang and I got up quickly before heading to Biology. Although I didn't have a passion for science like I did for math, didn't mean that I hated the subject. I did well enough to get an A. I took my seat in front; a must for me, I had bad hearing from all of the loud music I listened to while I tried to block out surgery after surgery. I sat staring at the white board until I heard the whole room erupt in whispers. I followed their gaze, at first thinking that they were staring at me until I looked behind myself to see Edward Cullen. He sat on the edge of his desk, recoiled from where Bella Swan sat in her new seat next to him. None of us had ever seen this much emotion from Edward. He acted like she repulsed him. His head snapped up as he looked up to me. I'd never seen him look anyone in the eye before either. I quickly returned to my postion, staring at the white board again. Althought the rest of the class was normal, we all noticed Cullen's quick jog out of class.

I dismissed the strange ocurrence and went throught the rest of my classes normally. After scholl, I stopped my the local grocery store to pick up the ingredients for beef stew. It was chilly outside, and hot soup would be perfect to warm me up. When I was finished shopping, I was walking to my car when _it_ happened.

My legs stopped working and I stopped in an ungraceful shaky fall. The gravel of the parking lot cut into my legs and elbows and my bags fell to the ground with a huge crash and my groceries rolled and fell from the bags. I started to get up when I felt the acid rise in the back of my throat, and before I even had a chance to stop myself I was throwing up blood onto the ground. The blood my deep red, unlike the bright red of fresh blood. My head pounded on all sides and I fell from my knees, and too weak to stop I fell into my own blood before everything went hazy. I couldn't think straight, but I heard a scream as some poor woman was scared to death at the sight of me. I could only hope that she was calling the ambulence. All I could hear was her muttering "Blood, so much blood, oh my god" over and over again.

Throught the mist of pain that my body was experiencing, I felt a pressure around my waist and I was suddenly weightless. The change made my stomach clench ungratefully. I heard more voices than the hysterical woman but I couldn't force myself to pay attention to the words. And then all was black, and I could hear nothing.


	2. Swimming In Misery

When I came to, I heard the unmistakable sound of the cap coming off a fresh needle. I felt a hand hold my arm out and down. I was only able to make a small sound of protest. I tried harder when that didn't stop them.

"No, don't" I managed to whiper in a small voice. I was even able to gather enought strength to shake my head. But, either I was too quiet and they couldn't hear me over the sound of the car racing down the street towards the hospital, or they were ignoring me.

"I believe she said 'no'." The voice that spoke for my was both beautiful, and stern. I was unlike any voice I had ever heard in my life.

"Please, don't" I spoke again, making sure I was heard this time. There was a silent pause before I heard a sigh.

"She needs this, if this is for some stupid fear of needles-" He made the threat clear with his tone. But he didn't need to worry, I had no fear of needles. There was a better reason, one that only my doctor really needed to know. The hand released my arm, but I still didn't have the strength to even open my eyes. I could feel the gentle stop of the ambulence, and I assumed we were at the hospital. By the time they got the stretcher out of the truck, I could open my eyes.

At first I could only see the bright lights the decorated the outside of the small hospital in Forks. They rolled my past the sliding doors and into the emergency entrance which doubled as a lobby in the day. They put me into a small deserted room and left me alone. If was only then that I wondered. Where had my savior gone? I hadn't seen him outside of the hospital and hadn't heard him since he stood up for me in the ambulence.

The door opened before I could begin to really think about the strange occurence. My docter walked through the door. Dr. Cullen always managed to take my breath away. I had seen him so many times and really viewed him as my second father, but I couldn't help but appreciate the view. He pulled up a revolving chair next to me in an effortless move. I didn't even hear the wheels move across the floor. He gave me on small, sad smile. One thing I always appreciated about him was that he always looked me in the eyes when he spoke. No matter if the news was good or bad. No other docter I had ever had was able to look me in the eyes, they all felt to guilty. That was the reason I had chosen him. And this time would be no different. He looked my directly in the eyes as he told me the blunt truth.

"I don't need any tests to tell me this, not that you would allow them anyways. We've been waiting for this day to come for a while. You've reached the top of the mountain and the only way forward is to go down. You've been luckier than most in your situation. You've had more than 2 years of steady health that you should be grateful for...I'm going to ask you this, and hope you change your answer; Do you wish to start treatment again?" he asked me with a hopefull look on his face.

Before he could even finish speaking, I shook my head. The look fell off his face and he sighed in what I knew was frustration. He knew he couldn't talk me into doing anything I didn't want to.

"Then there is nothing we can do but prepare for what is to come." I didn't want to hear it, but he would not let me leave without hearing everything.

"What happen today might happen again. Your body is turning on itself. It will do anything to get rid of the invader, including geting rid of neccisary componets of your body. That is were the blood came from today. You should get some iron supplements to replenish your bloodloss." he paused briefly, and took a deep breath and prepared to tell me the worst.

" You could get deadly fevers, you will pass out from time to time and a few other small things will be frequent. But the most noticable, and the worst; you will get weaker... physically. The average person in you position has a few months before the muscles become so weak that you won't be able to walk, and at some point, near the end you won't be able to speak, and you won't be able to eat by yourself." he stopped again and looked at me a moment before he suggested the impossible.

"It would be better if you had some to check up on you, and later on, stay with you near the end. Do you have anyone in mind who could do this?"

I gave it a quick though before I gave up, I knew no one. Tears glistened in my eyes. I had _no one_. not a _single_ person who would look in on me. I was embarassed to answer.

"No, there's no one." I whispered, and my face fell to stare down in my lap as I fiddled with my nails.

"May I send my children to check on you? Only...once a week, just to make sure that you are doing ok. It will save you a trip to the hospital every week. I know how you hate that."

I gave a small snort.

"That should be fine." I told him. I was so embarrased I couldn't look up. I was so alone, I had pushed everyone away, and now when it really mattered...I had no one. He spoke again, and it startled me into looking up again.

"And, if it were fine with you, I would like to invite you into my home when you need intensive care. You don't need to answer me now, just know that the option is open."

There was no way that I could except his offer.

"You are always welcome to my home."

I just sighed and gave up, he wouldn't let me say no, but I wouldn't say yes either. We were both stubborn that way.

"Have you thought any more about the study in London, I've heard that the research is doing wonders to finding a cure." He keep asking me about different studies. This time, some pretty famous scientist and doctors were getting together to research a cure. But I had spent my childhood looking for a cure that never came in trial after trial.

"I've done my part in finding the cure. Let others be fooled into being lab rats." I would stick to my morals, and I would never stray.

'You've done more that most. I know that I can't talk you into anything, but I want you to come to me the moment you feel any unbearable pain. I know that now you refuse to use any pain medication, but your mind might change when you actually _feel _the pain." He understood my reasons for refusing any medications, but that would never stop him from trying to convince me to take the easy way out.

"If I ever feel like I need to the medication, I will come to you." I assured him, in the my mind, I assured myself I would never need it. I wouldn't be putting anymore poison into my body.

He continued on with the appointment, and gave me a normal check up. My drive back was normal and I felt no dizziness. When I got home, I threw my keys onto the living room desk, by the computer and threw myself down onto the old dusty couch that had been in this room as long as I could remember. I didn't use it much, I spent most of my time in my room, or outside. I layed there and stared at the ceiling. All I could think of was that voice. That beautiful voice that had helped me when I couldn't help myself.

What kind of person just left after doing that? Now I didn't even know who he was. It had to be close to an hour before I just decided to leave that moment of my life in the back of my mind and focus on resting.

I had school the next day and I hoped that the Forks would be the only small town that didn't have to gossip mentality. I hoped that most hadn't even heard of my little mishap, maybe I would be able to stay the invisible girl. I could only wish to be that lucky.

As soon as I parked my car the next day at school I knew things would be different. Bella had been the hot topic of the past few days, it seemed that I had replaced her. Before I got out I took a moment to prepare myself but who was I kidding; I had no idea what to expect. People where already pointing towards my car and whispering to each other. I could deal with the whispering, I didn't think that I could deal with the stuid, pestering invasive questions that would be sure to follow me.

I grabbed my back pack from the behind me, on the back seat of my truck.

How the hell did they know it was me anyways? Surely they had only heard that some teenage girl had passed out in her own blood in the middle of a parking lot. I winced as I thought of how that sounded. But that was for sure what they were all thinking. I kept my head down as I walked into the small school that I had gone to since freshmen year. Even though I could not see the stares I could feel them in my skin. It wasn't until my third period class, English, that someone got the guts to ask me anything.

I sat in my assigned seat in what had to be the smallest classroom in the entire school. All of the desks were too close together and there was only one window, and one door. The teacher had stepped out of the classroom for a few minutes to go take one of my fellow classmates to the principal's office. The whispering only seemed to get louder as soon as she left. To my surprise, the question came from a girl who was generally quiet, someone who didn't try to make people uncomfortable. Her name was Angela and we had been partners on a few projects over the years.

"Hi Raine, I didn't want to be rude of prying, but I heard what happened yesterday. I just wanted to ask if you were ok?" Phrasing a question that way, it was impossible for me to be angry with her. She was a good-natured person who was genuinely interested in my well being.

After she spoke it seemed that the whole class held their breath as they waited for my answer. Would I explode? Would I just ignore her?

No, I couldn't do either of those things. She had showed me a courtesy and I shouldn't just throw it in her face.

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking though." I gave her the simple answer with a small smile, and a nod. Everyone else seemed to be waiting for my to continue, maybe explain what had actually happened. I just turned my head away from the rest of them and watched the scence that went on directly outside of the one small window that adorned the classroom. I ignored the whispers as they started again. I focused instead on the birds I saw flying from tree to tree and the wind that invisibly swept through their wings giving them the ability to fly. If only people were more like that. Simple and predictable. Those birds would fly again, and the wind would continue to help out every part of the world. But we weren't like that, and maybe that, that complexity was why the couldn't except me. Because I was as close to that simplicity as I could get.

The rest of the day was the same, but I couldn't stop zoning out, dreaming of what a simpler world would look like. One where there wasn't mean, horrible stories floating around of what had happend to me. While in the bathroom earlier I had heard some horrible girls saying that I had had a failed suicide attempt. That I had taken 40 pills of some strange perscription that I got from some drug dealer, during lunch. But since I had drank soda to wash it all down with, a chemical reaction occured and I puked all of the pills up later. She knew this_ for sure_ because her brother's girlfriends' cousin worked at the hospital and had told his cousin the whole story that he overheard.

Whoever would be stupid enough to believe that story deserved an award.

I guess I could understand the concept of gossip, in theory. But some people took the idea to heart and made it into an Olympic event. The craziest most outlandish story would win a medal. They had seen the line, and had skipped right over it. By the end of the day I was sure that my name, or the weird girl that never talks, had passed through everyone's lips on campus. At lunch I had even seen two of the Cullens giving me a glance, and that was a raritey. It was Alice, and her boyfriend Jasper. When she saw me looking she gave me a smile before she turned her head to continue talking to Jasper. He quickly turned to look at me as well.

Instead of going straight home as normal, I drove into La Push and towards the beach. The beach was generally deserted on days like this. The sky was a frightening shade of dark grey and I was sure that it would rain. I liked to go the empty beach when I needed a place to unwind, and I loved the ocean so much I was always drawn towards it when I felt bad. I pulled into the parking lot by the beach full of rocks instead of sand. I didn't like sand, it always got stuck everywhere. The rocks were much perferable to me. I got out of the car and locked if before I walked towards the cold salty water that was lapping quietly back and forth on the shore. I reached down while I was still walking to slide of my flip flops and I gently placed them in my oversized bag. I let my bag drop to the ground and it hit with a soft sound. I was wearing only a black tank top and a pair of jeans and I stopped quickly to roll up the legs of my pants to my knees.

I made it to the water quickly and as soon as my feet hit the water I involuntarily jumped back from the icy water. I tried again, and prepared for the cold water I slowly submerged my feet into the water until the water swelled around my ankles. My feet quickly went numb but I kept them there. This was the only numbness I could allow myself. The same relief used to come to me with the strange medications I used to shove into my body. I wouldn't submit to those anymore, and this was just as good, and so much more tolerable. I stood there and I closed my eyes as I listened to the ocean and its waves as they moved back and forth across my feet seemlessly. The ocean never changed. It would always be here, and the tides would always come. They were something I could count on, unlike much else in my life.

I felt the first drop of rain on my shoulder, and at first didn't notice it for what it was. Less then a minute later, the rain was pounding down from the dark grey clouds that still hovered above my head, unmovable. The cold rain was the same temperature as the ocean and I waited to see if it would stop, until my hair was completly soaked. I opened my eyes, and look upwards as streaks of salty water fell down my face. I sighed quietly and jumped back out of the water as I had down earlier. I ran so feeling would return to my feet before I had to drive. I reached down to pick up my bag as I ran by it on the way to my car.

I already felt better. As I said, the ocean never failed to bring a bit of peace to my life.


	3. The Seasons

It wasn't until I got home that I realized something was wrong. I had taken a warm bath after being in the cold rain. I had wrapped myself in a warm fluffy towel and as I reached into the sink drawer for a hair brush, I stopped in front of the large mirror that hung above the counter.

My dark brown hair was now past my shoulders when it was wet. Once dried, the natural curls would make my hair appear just above my shoulder. It had taken more than two years before my hair had even begin to grow the way it had from birth. The curl had only come back in the past few months. I hadn't seen my hair in this condition since I had been a little girl, a pretty child with natural cork screw curls. I moved my gaze from my drying hair to my eyes. My eyes were the color of the sky, right before it begins to rain. A stormy grey with a tint blue. The first time I opened my eyes my mother declared that she would only call me Raine, and that was what I was from then on. Raine Carson. The little girl with stormy eyes born during a thunderstorm.

I brushed my hair out as I walked back into my room carefully tugging at the knots that always fixed themselves within the dark brown locks. I slipped into my pajamas, flannel shorts and a light tank top. As I walked back into the bathroom to let my towel dry, my stomach curled and I dropped the towel on the floor in my rush to reach the toilet before I ruined my carpet. I emptied my stomach and was glad to note that there was no blood mixed in with my partially digested dinner. When my stomach settled down again, I walked slowly back into my room, and picked up the towel I had dropped carefully making sure not to upset my sensitive stomach. I hung it up and layed down on my bed, not bothering to get under the plush white comforter than adorned the softest bed I had ever slept in. I was warm, and my thoughts were getting murky as I slowly reached higher and higher temperatures. Before too long I was shaking and there was a sheen of sweat covering my entire body. I took off my tank top and shorts in an attempt to cool myself, but the fire only continued to raged on. Only a few moments later, I couldn't fight anymore and I knew nothing but darkness.

My consious seemed to swim through the darkness and I tried to rise above the pressure I felt, but it was too hard. The fire burned me when I fought, and I knew that giving in would just be so much easier. So much less painful. And then, I felt a hint of ice and then, it was surrounding me completly. The heat continued to burn and I focused on wrapping every bit of myself against the ice.

Later, much, much later I began to sense realitly again. I was wrapped completly against something, or as I now began to realize, someone. As the darkness seperated itself from me I began to take into account all that was around me. The quick mental scan of my well being told me everything I need to know. I could feel cool cloth in my hands that were clutching the a shirt, and pulling the it closer to my body. My chest was pressed tightly this someone, and I realized that every part of my body was focused on bringing the cold closer to my blazing heating. I could feel the indent of the buttons on the shirt I was clutching on my stomach. I felt what I now knew to be arms wrapped around my waist, gripping tightly. One of my legs was wrapped around what I could tell was _his_ slim waist. My other leg curled inbetween us. My head rested in the crook between his held and shoulder. I seemed to fit perfectly against him.

I should have been shocked, ashamed, embarrased any of those would be normal. But instead of even lifting my face up those few inches to see whom I clutched so tightly, I clung to him tighter. My body was still hot, and he felt to good to let go. Summer's heat against winter's chill.

After a while (and after gathering some major courage) I pulled my face out of what had become my safe spot and looked into the face of the man who had probably saved my life. His eyes were open and he searched my face, just as I searched his. His golden eyes were beautiful and they felt familar to me. His hair was black and short. He looked like he stepped out of much older times. He had high cheek bones and while he was pale, it seemed there was still some dark complexion to his skin. He didn't look like a greek god, but if there was a mixture of every culture on the European content he would hve embodied their god. I could only find one thing wrong with his perfect face. His nose. It looked almost as if if had been broken, and had never had a chance to heal correctly. It was only slightly crooked, but I focused on that part of his face to most. It made me think that he was truly there. I noticed that his face looked almost as if he hadn't shaved in a few days and you could only see the lightest stubble. He was sexy, and that was something I had to admit to myself.

It was only when our eyes connected that he started to realese his hold on me. Before he could move anymore I shifted my face back into my safe spot. I felt safe with him, and I didn't have the energy to move or even begin to wonder why the hell he was here. I could only appreciate the fact that he was. His hold on my waist tightened again after only a moments of hesitation.

We stayed this this for a long time until my fever came down and I became too cold. I peeled myself away from his body, only then remembering that in my fevered state I had taken off all but my underware. Lace, black boyshorts and a matching bra. The straps of my bra had fallen down off of my arms and my cleavage, as small as it was, was almost falling out without the support. A quick glance down his body told me that he was wearing dark blue jeans and a crisp white button shirt.

The blush that came to me seemed to sweep through my entire body and I quickly grabbed my straps and snapped them into place before sweeping the sheets under me to around my body. When I thought myself to be completly covered, I looked over to him again a blush still burned red on my cheeks. He seemed almost frozen where I had left him in my rush. But he rose into a sitting position that mirrored mine. A moment of akward silence passed as he looked into my eyes, aparently waiting for something.

"Thank you" I muttered quickly, and quietly. His head quirked to the side, and his eyes looked thoughful, but still; he said nothing. I made the mistake of looking him directly in the eyes, and as he looked back into my mind, I could think of nothing. I felt the need to explain myself.

"I'm not going to ask how you seemed to know that I needed help, or even how you got in here because I think you just saved my life. I'm just curious though...who are you?" He gave me only a considering look before he answered.

"My name is Eli" His voice was melodical, angelic but still deep and it gave me shivers. And I knew, knew that I had heard it before. I searched my memory for where the hell I had heard him before. And then I remembered.

"You were there, weren't you? In the parking lot, and then the ambulence. You've saved my life twice. Twice in less than a week. How...?" This heartbreakingly beautiful man had saved _me_. Again. I was shocked ino silence.

He began to stand up and before I could even think about what I was going to say I shouted-

"Wait!...I mean, please don't go. I won't ask any weird questions you don't want me to...My name is Raine, by the way. It-it's nice to meet you again." A small smirk made its way onto the side of his mouth and I knew then that he would stay. For a minute longer at least.

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well Raine, again." His voice was enough to send my brain scattering and I couldn't seem to focus on the sound of his voice and the content of his message at the same time. Meantime, in my stupor he sat back into his seat on my bed. I thought of every question I wanted to ask him, and tried to get rid of every one that seemed too personal. But he beat me to any question I wanted to ask him.

"Why are you so sick?" His question startled me. When I didn't answer him immediatly he continued.

"You must understand, I have never been sick. But I do not think that any common sickness was like this." He explained. He had never been sick?

"That's because I have something, that people don't. I have cancer." I kept my face away from his as I told him. I didn't want to see _it_. The pity that entered anyone's eyes when I told them. But I was curious when he didn't say anything. When I looked up, he was looking out of my window. I took this chance to get a better look at him. His pale skin and perfection reminded me of the Cullen's. But he wasn't lanky and skinny like the majority of the Cullen males were. He had more of Emmett's muscle structure but he was still smaller than the largest of the Cullens. Even sitting down, I could tell that he was tall. Much taller than my 5'8".

He was the figure of alpha male, and he was coincidentaly the vision of my perfect man. Whoever was cruel enough to bring him into my life as it went down hill was a sadistic bastard.

I'd never felt this way before around a man. My skin was flushed and I blushed at the warmth I felt in my belly as I thought of him touching me, holding me, kissing me.

He turned back to me again and I was caught once again in his eyes.

"I have to go now." He told me softly, like he regreted it. His body moved almost too quickly for me to watch as he got up. He moved with a grace not quite accustomed with a man quite as large as him. Before he left, I asked him the top question on my mind.

"Will I see you again? Or do I have to be in trouble first?" I could almost hear the smirk that would be on his lips. I didn't know him at all, but I knew this somehow.

"If you really want to see me, I'll know." He replied as he opened the door that emptied into my hallway.

"Wait! you didn't say that you would see me again." This time, I heard a chuckle and i had to force myself to focus on what he said and not crumble from his laugh.

"I will come to you, do not worry" he told me in a light tone.

And then he was gone, before I could say anything else. I sat in my bed for a few more moments as I went over everything that had happened. Even though I had been cooled down by Eli, I was still covered in sweat, and I just hoped that he hadn't smelt it. That would be embarrasing.

I was just coming out of the shower when the doorbell rang. I ran into my room and quickly slid into under garments and a tank top covered by a thick warm sweater and some shorts before I ran down the stairs. I almost fell down the stairs on my hurry to reach the door.

"I'm coming!" I yelled as I entered the front room. I ran a hand through my dripping wet hair, and sighed in annoyance as I noticed that my sweater was getting soaked. I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

I hadn't realized that Dr. Cullen had been quite so serious about the home check ups.


	4. Break The Silence

On my doorstep stood two memebers of Dr. Cullen's family that I had seen, but never met. The two girls in his family had come in his stead. Alice and Rosalie. Two of the most beautiful woman I knew I would ever see in my lifetime; short as it was.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked courtesly, thinking back to the fact that I still looked like crap even after my shower. Alice nodded while Rosalie remained impassive. I stood aside to allow them in. They both walked into my small cozy living room. They didn't seem to fit with the hand made patchwork quilt that adorned my couch or the livley red that covered my walls. I guestured towards the larger couch before I sat in the love seat that faced it. They both sat down in graceful movements and I made a face at their obvious perfection. Was there anything wrong with them? Alice caught my attention with a large grin before she began talking.

"Carlisle asked us to come over to ask you how you've been doing. He gave this long list of things to ask you-you know that he has never taken such intrest in a patient before? Oh well, do you mind if I ask you the questions in a row? You just have to say yes or no." she blurted out quickly, never once pausing to take a breath. I needed a moment to unfix the word's that she blurred together.

"Yah, yah that's fine." Rosalie remained quiet, never moving on the couch as she surveyed my house. I'd never heard her speak, and I began to wonder if she ever did.

"Okay, so have you felt nauseous?"she started.

"Yes"

"Dizzy?"

"Yes"

"Any nose bleeds?"

"No"

"A fever?"

"Yes" The questions continued. She wasn't lying when she said she had more than a few questions to ask. Most of them were simple, and all of them could be answered with yes and no. After a few moments she paused and stopped as she looked up at the ceiling thinking of any more that she had forgot. We were both suprised when Rosalie asked the one she had forgotten.

"Has there been anymore incidents?" she asked, raising one perfect eyebrow.

I hadn't planned to tell anyone but Dr. Cullen what had happened the night before, but I knew I should trust them they didn't have anyone else to tell, did they?

"Last night, I felt a little strange and then..." I skipped through the gross bits that I would be reluctant to even tell my doctor about.

"Well, I got these weird shakes and I just felt like, I don't know. Like heat was overtaking me and I couldn't do anything and then, then I guess I passed out." I only told them the partial truth, although I knew, knew that they should probably know that I would have died if someone, Eli, hadn't helped me. I just couldn't tell them about him and I don't know why.

"So you woke up this morning, fine again?" Rosalie asked, sounding incredulous.

"Yes, a little shaky but still fine." I replied ignoring her tone completly. I knew I was lying. I wasn't going to defend myself, people got caught that way. Alice got up out of her seat and Rosalie and I were quick to follow her. She practicly skipped to the door but before she got there she turned around to face me and I had to stop myself from running into her.

"That should be about it. Oh, and I think if anything like that happens again, Carlisle would probably prefer if you call him right after. Goodbye then, I won't see you next time, but Rosalie definalty will." Alice told me before she opened the door and stepped out. Rosalie followed her at her own pace. Before she got all the way to the car, she turned her head to look at me over her shoulder.

"Emmett and I will be here next time, probably next Saturday morning. If not, I'll make sure that he calls you." She told me without really seeming to put any emotion into her words. I did notice that she said that Emmett would be the one to call. I could tell that Rosalie honestly didn't care about me, but that didn't matter. We had just met. I didn't base my perceptions of people by the front they put out. Her entire persona was probably eighty percent of the real her, and I thought that the other twenty percent was someone I could definatly come to like. As for Alice, she was easy to like. She didn't pretend to be anybody but herself. While I couldn't see myself hanging out with someone like her, she was too obsesivly happy, I could see tolerating her with ease. I heard the whip of the tires hitting the gravel of my long driveway as they left.

I spent the rest of the day resting. I still felt weak from the nights struggle with life and death. Later, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping. It took only a few hours before I couldn't stand the lonley atmosphere of my house. I'd finished all of my homework and I had no new books to read. In a split second decision, I decided to drive to Port Angeles to get some new books and some new music too. The drive there was too long and because of the ever constant rain, traffic was horrible. For drivers that live the rain almost year-round, you would think they would learn how to drive in it.

I walked into the first book store I saw and grabbed any book that caught my eye and had an intersting description the flap inside. The only things I splurged on were books, music and ingredients to bake my latest inventions. Cooking was one of my passions. I just had to be careful how much I made, because there was no one else to eat it but me.

On my way to the highway, I passed a garage sale. I slowed down as I saw an easel perched on the sidewalk. A real painter's easel. Not a child's toy. I hadn't painted since, well...before.

~10 years ago~

"Guess what I found for sale at the art's and craft's store?" My mother swept through the front door with a grin on her face that spread from ear to ear. She held a large, full bag in her hand. She was always searching for something to fill the time while her husband, my father, worked every second he could. She placed the bag on the coffee table that stood infront of the sofa I sat on.

"What is it now Mom?" I asked her while giggling. The last time she did this, we had spent the entire day making making a lego city. I always had a great time with her.

"I found an easel, a real easel! You can draw all the pictures of us you want now. Practice before you become a famous artist and leave you poor parents behind." She told me, her eyes twinkiling with laughter. She loved to see all of my drawings, and I loved to draw for her.

"And I got some cheap _washable_ paints. I want to paint with you. When I was a little kid, I used to love to fingerpaint. I used to use my pudding to make pictures on my plate, not that your grandmother ever appreciated my geneuis!" She laughed and the impulse to join her was irresistable. I jumped up from the couch and set up the easel as she opened the paints. Before I could even take the easel all the way out of the bag, I felt something wet and slimy go down my back. I turned to see my mother's hand covered in green paint, a wide innocent smile on her face.

"Mom! Eww, gross!" I snatched up one of the other paint bottles and squirted it on her face before she could react. A pink splatter crossed on her face. I laughed hard.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!" she told she chased me around the house with the rest of her paint.

~Present~

My mother had been the most bright, happy person I have ever seen until after I was diagnosed. She cracked and took all the blame she could find into herself. She grew cold and indifferent. I couldn't bring myself to love the new her. She wasn't my mother.

I got out of my car, my head still in a cloud of memories. I stood in front of the beautifully made easel and lightly traced the beautiful carvings ingraved into the border. It was obviously very old and well made.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" An older woman stood beside me, staing at the easel as well. She turned to me and looked straight into me with her bright eyes that shown with grief. I felt like she could read my very thoughts.

"My husband would look at it like that." She took a look back at the easel and a tear found its path down her withered cheek.

"As if he already knew, as if he could already see the masterpiece he would create. He would stay up for days. He wouldn't sto until he was done. He was always so vibrant, he loved life. I can't imagine that he is really gone. Everything to his eyes was beautiful. Even the ugly thing of this world, like death. I think that's why I ever married the old fool." Tears streamed down her face silently, but her voice never cracked.

"I always told myself I would never give this away, because he loved it so much and I loved _him_ so much. But I think you need it, so much more than I ever could. So take it, take it and never forget to love life and the celebrate it with everything."She finished as she wiped away the tears on her face.

"At least let my pay-" I started.

"He always talked about how he wish young people would follow their hearts. What does yours tell you?" she interrupted.

I needed it, that was all I knew.

"I haven't painted or even drawn in a very long time...thank you. I promise you that I will never forget your advice. Your husband was a very wise man. I swear you you I will take good care of it." A tear fell from my cheek. How long had it been since I last cried? I couldn't remember. Maybe I could retrace my steps back to when I was a child. When my life was normal.

I packed it off into the trunk of my forest green Ford Explorer. I had bought the truck used and the paint was a bit faded. I slipped it carefully into the back and thanked the woman who had just given me her late husband's most prized possesion because she thought I, a complete stranger was the person who needed it.

The overcast sky seemed to reflect my somber mood as I remembered every time my mother and I used our small plastic easel. To fingerpaint or to use charcol. I had learned most of my techniques on that easel. How to use shadows to make a drawing come to life, to use colors correctly. And my mother had been there for all of that.

She had been there with me through all of the easy things, I now realized. She had left me as soon as I really needed her. That was something I would always carry with me, to my death. It's not like my father was ever there to pick up the pieces.

I got caught at the next light and I took that time to pull myself together. I thought I'd gotten over some of the resentment I held towards my parents. I guess in a way I had, and now all that was left was the overwhelming sadness that they had both left me. I hoped I could get over that before the end.

The light changed and I took the left onto a long narrow street that would lead to my road. There were no houses near mine and the quiet that reined through th area calmed me when I turned my truck off as I parked infront of my home. I shut the car door behind me and it broke the silence with a large bang. My steps crushed the fallen leaves that littered the ground I walked on. It was just after I opened my trunk that I noticed the change in air. I silence became more pronouced and I could feel it, I could feel him.


End file.
